Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break.

What has been up with me you ask? The whole eating clean thing has been hard, and not because I don’t want to do it  - because I seriously have become that person that loves eating clean and when I see food on my plate I can see how it is going to improve my mood, and get me closer to my goals. I am struggling because in one month alone I have had, 2 weddings, 2 wedding showers, 1 bachelorette and a whole lot of post wedding brunches. The list goes on with a sinus infection, laryngitis AND the stomach flu. I kept thinking…seriously? Is this happening right now. So for a large portion of the time I was not working out and then… Can I say buffets? Late night stations? Every single food possible? Let me tell you something about myself which I might not have told you before…I LOVE FOOD. LOVE FOOD. My friends always say the best way to cheer me up is by making me food. I am an emotional eater to the extreme, an “im tired” eater, “let’s celebrate” eater. Every eater in between, that is me. So when someone shows me a buffer with all of my favourites, I go crazy. I have learned this month that I must teach myself portion control.
This month has been FUN. I love my friends, I love my family but I sort of want to be selfish and say…WOAH now this is about me. I want to be that girl with a motivational story. The girl with the before and after pics. I took some pics from the beginning of February and compared to the beginning of March and I myself saw some minimal change, but nothing that made me pat myself on the back. I have to remember it takes time, dedication and process - it also means not beating myself up for it. I have 51 more sleeps until my trip to the Dominican and I am going to do my very best, very very best to stay dedicated to the program. I am doing Cassey Ho’s #newbodymakeover and am on week 5, I am going to stay dedicated to her workouts, but if something comes up, something comes up. I find when I start a new fitness routine I can become isolated because I am so focused on always eating right and always working out that I tend to lose my nights out with the girls. I need to learn how to balance. This is life and I want to live it, in every possible way.  I have much more to say, but I think this is enough for now. Remember you can change your story, write it however you want to see it unfold. One day at a time, and do it for those little comments like I got this morning from my mother half asleep..you look slimmer, not so much of a tummy

Finally figured out my next chapter.

So, the story begins three months ago when I broke my foot. Wah wah, life sucks. I know. It wasn’t the end of the world, and a lot of people are a lot worse off. But i did, I broke my foot just by tripping, and I was so upset because I had finally reached my goal of running a 5km all the way through without breaks (with my amazing sister). I had been given brand new running shoes to encourage me in my love of running (which I still haven’t worn) and in my head I thought,  “I am finally getting my life together!” Then everything stopped and I wasn’t allowed to do anything! ANYTHING! Couldn’t even get up to make my own cup of tea. It was super depressing. The first ER doctor first told me “Just a couple of weeks”. That’s doable i thought. He was extremely gorgeous, but extremely wrong. Every appointment after that with the foot specialist let me know that my silly fall had put me in a cast for the long hall. Nope, I wasn’t allowed to ask about running, working out or anything. Rest up he said, and increase your calorie intake. Increase my calorie intake?! Are you serious? I am already sitting on my butt almost a whole day and my favourite jeans don’t fit, so are you serious? He was serious. Sit on my butt if I want it to heal.
Two months go by and it’s Christmas. I don’t like admitting this about myself, but i was not the person that got hurt and was still all smiles and positive (i have always wanted to be one of those people). I was moody, depressed, self-conscience, did i say depressed? I had gone from being extremely independent to being the most dependent person in the world. Need food in my apartment? Well somebody better be able to drive me and shop and bring it home? Need to get to work? Sombody needs to drive me. Need to…you get it? It was mind blowing how much I had taken it all for granted. My boyfriend tried to make me feel loved and beautiful, but it just wasn’t happening. Something had to change. I had to stop having “pity burgers and fries” and “might as well have cake” snacks. I wanted to fit in my jeans and look glamorous, or at least know that under my shirt my jeans were actually done up and not held together by a hair tie to donate some extra stretch. So that’s how i got here. To this blog. As of January 1st i decided im going to spend some time on me. I asked my doctor about Pilates and he said go for it, but be careful. Pilates is all about the core and not so much about putting pressure on the feet. So this is my journey. I am going to log my successes and my failures and anything else I find along the way. I know there are a million blogs about this out there, but this is my story and maybe you can relate!